Thursday, August 23, 2007

Dear Baby Jack,

I stood there, test in hand during the early morning hours of Christmas, with a decision to make. I knew that this could very well be a mistake - taking the test on Christmas. Being disappointed - again - on Christmas. But I had a feeling...I just sort of new that you were there......and I wanted to be sure.

"Merry Christmas!" I said to your Daddy, handing him the test stick. As he leaned on the counter, waiting for his coffee to perk, a slow smile spread across his face as he considered the two faint, but definitely there pink lines....and a Merry Christmas it was.

As I write this, eight months have gone by. Summer is slowly moving out, and Fall is quickly approaching.

As the months have gone by, we've been waiting and preparing for your arrival. We've decorated a room just for you, picked out adorable little things - designed to make you comfortable and to enhance your inevitable cuteness, and listened as your name has fluttered about in conversation like a little butterfly.....happy and excitable. "When baby Jack gets here, I'm going to hold him and kiss him!" says your oldest brother. "When baby Jack comes, I'm going to hug him and make him laugh!" says your little-older brother.

Here we are, just a few days from the "Big Day!" that we've been waiting for. Every morning, your oldest brother asks "NOW how many more sleeps, Mommy? How many more sleeps until baby Jack is here?" We all love you so much. Already, we love you so much.

I'm trying to hold onto the memory of your wiggles, your nudges, your kicks....I love them. I think there's a good chance that you're going to complete our family, and I probably won't be housing anymore little babies in my tummy. It's bittersweet....I can't wait to hold you in my arms, and share you with your Daddy and your brothers.... but also I love having you inside. So safe and so only I'm trying to remember this time we've had together. Just you and me - your "good morning" roll-arounds, and afternoon tumbles.

Your Daddy has been extra good about making sure that you have everything you need - even before your big arrival. He has taken me out for cheese enchiladas, many more times than necessary because he knows that they're our favorite! He has assembled all of your baby gear without complaint, installed your car seat - making sure that it's perfectly level, and stood back to get a good look at your nursery - making sure that all the little pictures in your room are hung just so.

Your oldest brother passes me in the hall, and sets down his armload of engines long enough to give you a smile, a "pat pat pat", and some commentary on how big you're getting - all on his way to the train station he has created in his race car bedroom.

Late at night when you're little-older brother is sleepy and listening to stories, he lays his head down next to your feet and interrupts even the best of Curious George adventures to peer into my belly button, listen hopefully, and rub my tummy - just wanting to know all that he can about his little brother - this little mystery.

Now, as the last onesies are folded and put into the third-time-around baby dresser, the bottles are washed and lined up on their own shelf in the cabinet, and the diapers are stacked, I feel so lucky to have you - my littlest son. My little caboose. My little bundle of baby. I can't wait to meet you! I'll be the one who is crying (tears of joy of course) right along with you.