Planning the Nursery Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Believe it or not, I've never really put a nursery together. The babies always sort of bunked with us. We had a crib....in our room, and their little dressers in another....it just didn't really happen before. This time, we're planning on "doing" a nursery. The loft room in our house is right off of our bedroom - so it works out well. Granted, the baby will likely sleep in the borrowed co-sleeper (thanks N.!) for the first few months. Anyway, I've mentioned that shop therapy works for me, so it's no surprise that I've already picked out and purchased the crib bedding:


Do you love it? I LOVE it. If you want to see the cool, nature-y print up close, just search "Dwell Baby Motif Robin" and you'll find it. Also important to note - I got this set NEW for half the price it is retail. But this isn't the time to sing the praises of eBay. Anyway, as soon as it's delivered - I'll bring a sham with me to the paint store, and pick a couple of coordinating colors. I decided that there will be no smiling animals of any kind - land or sea, nor will there be transportation of any kind. BECAUSE I'VE HAD QUITE ENOUGH OF THAT. Our house is a big bubbling stew of wheeled, smiling, plastic, crap. The baby's room is going to be calm, pretty (as pretty as it can be while still being baby boy-ish), and tranquil, if it's the last thing I do!

At this point - the baby's name is going to be one of two choices. The first being Jack. A good, cool, one syllable name. For some reason, I'm dead set on a one syllable name this time. Big Al likes it, and so does my big boy. My Mom and sister love this name, and all my friends approve. I mean really, what negative thing can be said about the name "Jack"? A good, safe, choice.

Here's the thing...I have a long lasting love for another name. A name that I've gotten lots of heat for loving. A name that I can't quite let go of. The second possibility is the name "Ace." I love the name Ace, and I have since BEFORE the last season of American Idol! I think it's a cute and fitting name for this baby, all things considered. Big Al isn't a big fan, but God love him - he's willing to consider it since you know.....I've just been slapped in the face by fate. I plan to keep it as a maybe, because the more I think about it - the more I believe that I should AT LEAST get heavy pull in terms of naming this THIRD boy! I think we'll go to the hospital with these two choices and see which name suits him best.

Lastly -

Overheard at 6:30AM while I was half asleep in my bed, and the boys were just waking up on the bottom bunk (full size) or their bed in the next room:

Little Boy - "You know what?"
Big Boy - "What?"
Little Boy - "I love you" (sounds like: I 'Wub' You)
Big Boy - "I love you too stinky head"
Little Boy - *cracks up*

I like these boys a lot.

Shopping My Way Through the Disapointment

And I'll be damned if $253.46 spent at the Baby Gap, after a lovely dinner out with my surprisingly sympathetic, and very sweet husband, hasn't made me feel better.

Son of a bitch. Can you believe it???

I'm flattered that God, or the universe, or whatever, thinks that I can handle 3 boys. THREE. My husband felt so sad for me when I called him in tears this morning.....I was a mess. Right off the bat, he said that we could go for Microsort next year if I wanted to. That he loved me, and that this baby will be great, and that he was so sorry I was feeling so sad. And oddly....I like that I have the Microsort option.....but I think I'll be fine with these three boys.

I'll admit that I wanted a girl in part so that I could buy all the achingly cute clothes and shoes. I really am a girly girl, despite the grass stains that 5 years of sons has added to my exterior. I'm also the first to admit that I'd rather eat glass than go through the teenage years with a daughter. No offense to anyone with daughters...it's just that I know how hideous I was as a teenager. And how rude my now classy and successful younger sister was. And how disrespectful my friends were from about age 13 to 23. And we were the "good girls!" The cheerleader-types who maintained good grades and went to youth group on Tuesday nights! Anyway, it was REALLY rough on our Moms. And on us. Are all girls like this? Probably not. I only know what I've experienced. And I know that I couldn't have had a daughter only to send her away for 10 years once she hit 13, right?

Three handsome, sweet, wonderful boys. I'm lucky. Intellectually I feel like I've won the lottery, but every once in awhile my emotions kick in and I just start to cry from the loss of my Tess. It's like in my heart, and in my dreams, I had her. I could see her, and feel her soft curly hair. And now she's gone.

Anyway, each day will be better than the day before - and once he's in my arms I'll fall completely in love (this I know for certain), and this will all wash away -at least for a year or two. So no pity, okay? No tilted-head "I'm so sorry" 's or "Are you okay" 's. I'm not ready for a rally on why I'm so lucky to have a "complete set", or how much boys love their mom's either. I know all of this, and I'm truly grateful. I'm just feeling an emptiness that has no merit - or name really. It just is. And once my new little boy is here, it will fill up and go away.

A much needed glass of wine, I can not have.

So I have more shopping to do.

Sorry Visa.

Overheard at the Learning Toy Store

Owner (I'm guessing) of the store (respectable looking woman in her 50's) talking to a customer -

"I had three boys and then my daughter. I wanted her so badly after so many boys. I love my daughter, but let me tell you something - if I had it to do over again, I would have 20 more boys before having a girl. She was SO HARD TO DEAL WITH! "

Me (silently) -

"Thanks for that! I may need this piece of information later...as consolation....or something"

Timing.....and hope.

Lets say in the space of two weeks, your oldest child was going to start Kindergarten, and his first "real" soccer experience. As in twice weekly practices, and games at the crack of dawn on cold, soggy fields.

In this two week time frame, there will also be a Welcome BBQ for the soon to be Kindergartner, as well as a parent orientation that YOU have to go to. Nothing can stop you! Because he's your baby! And he's starting Kindergarten! And you truly wouldn't miss it for the world.

Besides all of this, there's the little boy who will be starting Preschool. This is a child who has only ever been away from his Mommy to be with his Daddy or his Grandma. He has never been dropped off ANYWHERE that there wasn't a family member present. He's a tough little cookie - but also very much a Mama's boy. You have to be there for that. You have to be able to stay a while the first couple of days. So that he's comfortable. Because he's your baby, and he needs you.

Here comes the kicker.

Guess what else is happening at the start of these two very important weeks?

YOU WILL BE HAVING A SCHEDULED C-SECTION AND WELCOMING A NOCTURNAL NEWBORN INTO THE FAMILY.

So.....naturally, I'm freaking out in advance - because that's what I do.

It'll be fine. I won't be tired, or in pain, or just delirious with newborn joy...and misery....and love....and hormones. N0....I'll be fine. Ready and willing to smile and make new friends. ARGH! Are you kidding me?? Oh and also? My hair will start to fall out. Because that's what happens to me when I have babies. Nothing says "Yes! I'll be the class room mother! I make great cupcakes!" like tufts of hair falling to the floor around my post partem stretch pants'd self.

As an aside - I had talked with some of you about wanting to get my big boy into this really wonderful private Christian school in our area. He got in!!! I'm thrilled about this - just thrilled. "Big Al" (the hus) is thrilled too, because now we don't have as much pressure to go to church on Sunday's. See? Win-Win. The alternative was dismal as our ONE CHOICE of public schools was.....well......not so great. Really not so great.

Also.....don't be mad..........I'm going to have "THE" ultrasound this week, but I'm not going to tell you which day. I know!!! So mean!!!

I'm at peace with the possibility of another son. My boys are everything to me - how could I really be upset about another one? I adore my sons, and will adore another one too. But..... just in case I am having a third son, and need to take some time with the news, I'm going to keep quiet about the day. This way you won't all be sitting by the computer, dazed with anticipation. Said with sarcasm dripping from my lips....or.....fingers.....you get the picture.

Of course if it's a girl, you'll know it because (in my mind) the sky will open up and drop bunches of pink balloons and butterflies all over the world.
Yes.....if I'm having a girl......it'll be written in the sky.

***Edited to add***
When I said that my big boy "got in" to the great school, I didn't mean that he had to interview or anything creepy like that! I just meant that there was space available after they went through their family preference registration. Just wanted to clear that up. :)

Three

Today, my little boy is three years old. I can't believe how the time has flown by. I can still remember being in the hospital with him after he was born. 9 lbs, 12 oz. of total chubby cuteness. So beautiful. I'll admit that my big boy was sort of a funny looking newborn - in a sweet way of course. But my little boy was just so perfect looking. The nurses would come in to admire him, and to comment that he was the biggest baby in the nursery that week!

Three years later, my little boy is fiesty and clever in a wonderfully maddening kind of way. If I'm in a place of lots of energy and patience - I admire the positive parts of these qualities. I like a kid with a little "kick" to his/her personality. Hmmmm, I wonder why? At other times, when I'm "DONE" as I sometimes say - his personality is a difficult one to deal with. He's stubborn, and tireless, and wants to do things his way. Most of the time though, he's a joy. The laughter that he inspires in this house.....well....we ALL laugh a lot. He laughs a lot too - such a deep, genuine, laugh - and I don't know what a day would be like without hearing it at least one time.

He's a character, my little boy.

His newest thing, is that he wants "A Hug, A Kiss, and A Bonk-Bonk."

It's adorable - He'll come over to sit in my lap, cuddle up under my chin and tell me in his sweet voice that he wants a hug, a kiss, and a bonk-bonk. He'll hold my face in his hands and kiss me on the lips, then hug my face to his face, and then we do quick "bonk-bonks" - noggin to noggin. I love it. It's so him.

Happy Birthday my darling boy......I love you to the moon and back.

Make a wish!

Officially "IN" My Thirties

Yes...it's true. Yesterday was my birthday, and I am now 31 years old. I am no longer 30 - I am now IN my thirties. Oh 30, I miss you already. When I turned 30, it was a little like being 16 and "borrowing" my Mom's eyeliner. I was old enough to wear a little eyeliner by most standards, but it was my Mom's. It was OLD LADY eyeliner. *I* was still young. Wearing her eyeliner was sneaky because I was still so young underneath it. Likewise - turning was 30 was great! I was spoiled rotten by my husband, and my family. We went to the most gorgeous brunch imaginable. I put on a skirt of all things....it was like going to the ball! I mean hell - I was drinking champagne at 10AM and it wasn't fully dressed in someones bathtub the morning after some horrible party! What a grown up! I was the big THREE-OH, but also - I was "only" 30. So young. Still not much in the wrinkle department. Tons of perfect eggs left should I choose to use them, and lots of time to make that decision. And also - great hair.

A year later......I now have 2.5 children instead of just the two. I am of course, thrilled about that and can't wait to meet this newest baby. But because pregnancy makes me feel....shall we say...poky......it makes me feel older. Like - "someone get me a walker" - older. I have a few fine lines around my eyes that I swear weren't there last year. I still like my hair.....although I have a ton of gray. But I have Angie - my Hair Magician. She takes care of that for me.

Oh, and speaking of hair (of the not-s0-great variety) I found a hair on my chin yesterday morning. Yes, I said it - a wiry hair. On my chin. Pretty good sized one too. He (yes, I assign gender to everything) was wearing a party hat. He greeted me with a big hearty "HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUCKER" as I was peering into the mirror with the hate of a thousand toddler-stomped snails. So that was nice.

What *was* nice about my day? Lots of things. Truly. My husband is an angel, and after years of practice - he now has these important days down to a science.

A quick segue for those readers of mine who don't yet have children - the following is wonderful. Once you have small children - you temporarily lose the quick out of town trips, the all night dinner/drinking/dancing evenings, things of this nature. So the following may sound dull - but trust me. it's not.

Anyway. My husband scheduled the day off of work a few weeks ago so that I would be able sleep in and not have the pressure of being a parent. Nice, right?? He made my coffee just the way I like it (well, he always does this for me - but it always feels special on a special day), and said "Happy Birthday" with a hug and a kiss the minute I came downstairs. Don't you hate it when they forget at first? I do. And he didn't.

On Sunday, he picked up my favorite cake from my favorite bakery after conspiring with my Mom, because they were closed on Monday. Thank you guys! I love that cake. Yesterday morning, he took the big boy to school and entertained the little one so that I could do whatever I wanted. GOLDEN. I hate the school drop off, pick up, business. I went out and did a little shopping ALL BY MYSELF. As anyone who has done it can tell you - shopping with my little boy is about as enjoyable as slamming your fingers in the car door over and over again. That evening we went to Benihana for dinner with the whole gang - the four of us plus my Mom. The boys? They were angels. Perfect angels. I was in heaven. Of course, I didn't sit next to them. Why would I? They had rice, and un-lidded beverages, and it was my birthday! I don't take chances like that on my birthday. But from what I could see - they were very well behaved and enjoyed the show very much. The big boy is usually fine at restaurants, but the little boy can go either way. The lesson here is that we need entertainment for the little boy at all times, and we'll be requesting a table IN THE KITCHEN whenever we dine out in the future.

So older - yes, I am....but I'm quite happy. And quite lucky. I'm halfway embarrassed to admit that what I always wanted most in life....more than any career.....more than any "looks good on paper" accomplishment, was to be married to a great friend who I also adore (and who I think is super handsome even when he clearly needs to shave) and to be a Mom. I am so blessed to have that. Look at this family of mine. They are gorgeous, and wonderful. And they love it when I dress them in themes. Yesterday's theme being STRIPES.

Photo Friday - Happy Spring!

The kitchen window sill. My favorite place to set up holiday decor. The breakable stuff anyway. Mostly because the little boy can't reach them here. Chicks by Lori Mitchell (love her), eggs by boys. They had *way* too much fun dying them. Thankfully, they don't have any urge to eat them.....they've been hanging out on the window sill for 3 days and counting. Anyway, looking at this cheery little scene makes loading the dishwasher a little more tolerable.


These flowers are my absolute favorites - Gerbera Daisies.
Not very sophisticated, but still - my favorite. They always come out this time of year. If it's possible for a flower to be "cute" - this is a cute flower. You know who else loves flowers? My big boy. He knows the names of many different kinds, and loves having flowers around - as do I. Reason number 497 that he is the sweetest boy on earth. Other things that the big boy loves? Race cars and all things chocolate. But that's another post entirely.

Here is another little "nook-ish" area in my humble home. Another semi-safe place for things that I care about. "Knick-knacks" if you will. Aw, knick-knacks. Remember knick-knacks? Candles, small picture frames, small, cute, $25 items from adorable boutique type places that you could keep on say - a coffee table? It's been YEARS since I could do that. And so, I enjoy my funky little shelves, sills, etc. Because kids are wreckers, and it only takes one misplaced glass *anything* to learn this lesson. See the cute birdhouse? Big boy made that for me for Valentine's Day with help from Grandma. He nailed in all those little beads, and painted the house. He added a checkered flag tile to the front just so that I would never forget that it was from him (again with the race cars). It's a treasure. If you're wondering whether or not that striped vase was actually an olive oil store-er.....Why yes it was! But the daffodils are absolutely thriving.

Hey Angelina, I've got a couple more for ya!

As the comedian Dane Cook once said in reference to a story he was about to tell, "Lets Tarantino it." Let's tell this story backwards. We'll start with the end result, go to the beginning, and then work our way back around to WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED.

Here are a couple of pictures to start us off. The "end result" pictures. I assure you (amazingly) no children were hurt in the making of this blog post.

Today started off great. The boys were outside from 10am-12:30pm or so, playing and doing what boys do. We had the downstairs carpet cleaned today, so it was a great excuse to KEEP THEM OUT for awhile. I thought I'd be a very hands-on Martha-ish Mom, and let them "create" their own mini Boboli pizza's for lunch. No pictures of this adventure, but trust me. A fun time was had by all, and they actually ate their pizza's along with carrots and strawberries. Success!

At this point, I'm feeling like a very good Mom. Here it is 2pm, I haven't yelled, I haven't been suckered into letting them watch a video because I'm SO tired (that whole tons of energy thing that is supposed to happen in the 2nd trimester? Haven't gotten that yet) and I'd love to get a break. I've gotten some things done, the carpet is freshly cleaned, dinner mostly prep'd, my spring/Easter decor is out and that makes me happy, etc. Great day.

Anyway, after lunch the boys wanted to turn on the hose and play with the water-well, and just basically assault each other. Sure! Because I'm a great Mom today. No matter that our entire yard is mud waiting to happen, and the beige carpet was just cleaned. Go for it! It's all about their experience. I'll work it out. As an aside - we met with landscapers this evening about doing some minor landscaping, sprinklers, and sod. They start next week. Yay!

Okay, where were we. Right, the water war outside. For starters, my little boy promptly hosed down the sliding glass doors that I had *just* Windex'ed. I let it go!! I let it go people, he's 3. What do I expect? I'm a great Mom today.

Once the boys were thoroughly soaked, they moved on to using shovels to dig up patches of mud. And then they threw them at each other. Boys. Who are these icky little people? I mean really. But they were laughing, so again. Whatever. Knock yourselves out.

Because they were shivering and their lips were blue, I decided that it was time to round 'em up.

I let them out via the side gate, stripped them at the front door, and lifted them both into the shower so that none of their disgusting-ness would get on the carpet. Once they were freshly showered, I did indeed let them watch a video. The minute I sat down on the couch with my shiny new People magazine (first time I sat down all day) they wanted a snack, and I in turn - wanted them to disappear. I made them a deal. They would watch Bob the Freakin' Builder for the duration of this 30 minute video. They would not speak to me. Or throw things. Or cry about anything. Once the video was over, I would get them a snack.

Big Boy? Deal. Little Boy? Deal.

Cool.

Of course, the video was over in what felt like a second. So popcorn and orange juice it was. As the boys were having their snack, I was checking email. I heard it happen. You know Moms.....you don't need sight to know that something bad is happening. You just know. It's a giggle here, a whisper there.....you can feel it in the air like pollution. I heard a kernel or five hitting the floor. I heard the big boy giggling and nothing from the little boy. I gave them a 5 minute warning. They had 5 minutes to clean up whatever mess had occurred and then I. was. coming. in. there. So of course, big boy starts hustling. Poor thing. It's almost never his fault......

But here's the thing about guilt. If you stand there and watch while someone else beats an old lady with a baseball bat (which is basically what's going on here, isn't it?) and you don't do or say anything about it - aren't you guilty too? I guess not if you're only 5.

The time had come - I went into the popcorn war zone area. And guess what I saw?

SCROLL UP AND SEE PICTURES.

I'm telling you - I could barely see through the fury. I know that the big boy didn't toss one kernel. It was all the little boy who is ALSO old enough to know better. I told them (okay, I screamed. I'm human) to get upstairs and stay there until I said that they could come down. I did this to PROTECT THEIR LIVES. In retrospect, I should have held it together and stood there until they (especially the little one) picked up every single piece. But honestly - I was ready to go all Bill Cosby on them (I brought you into this world - and I can take you out!!!) and I really needed them to be FAR AWAY. So I swept, and then mopped the floor. The big boy did what he always does when he's upset - he tucked himself into his bed and went to sleep. The little boy stood at the top of the stairs whimpering pathetically that he "missed me" and wanted to come down. I finally let him. He sat down to read a book, and then crashed.

It's a good thing I love these boys more than my last breathe. It's a good thing.

Today's Frustrations

Right off the bat, I'll tell you that this post isn't about my kids. It just isn't. Sort of nice to know that I can use this outlet for other important things.
Things like complaining!
So let's get to it.

1) I can't for the life of me figure out how to add one of those cute pregnancy tickers to this blog. I've searched and searched, tried and tried. Is this a "Geek Squad" worthy issue? I sort of doubt it.

2) Crying. For no reason. The hormones are just kicking my ass. Dear God, let this baby be a girl and therefore - my last pregnancy.

3) My lips. Do everyone's lips turn to sand paper when they get a cold or is it just me? This is a question I would really like an answer to. I'm using chapstick, I'm drinking my 8 glasses of water. Really, what else can I do?

4) Taxes. I hate paying the house taxes. That is an envelope that gets SHOVED into the mailbox. SHOVED. In a very angry way. Because I'd really rather take that envelope on a shopping spree. Or to Hawaii. Or to a really spectacular lunch.

5) Sanjaya Malakar. You know who you are Sanjaya. You know who you are.

And uh, I guess that's all I've got for the complaint box right now!

Oh - and here's the update on internet names for my children. I've decided to be really original and go with "Big Boy" for my oldest son, and "Little Boy" for my youngest son. I know. The creativity just pours out of me.

I'll leave you with a knock-knock joke courtesy of my little boy. He's really into knock-knock jokes right now.

LB - "Knock Knock Mommy"
Me - "Who's there buddy"
LB - "Stinky Cheese"
Me - "Stinky Cheese Who"
LB - "CUZ"
LB - ****throws head back and cracks up like he's never cracked up before****

That. Is comedy gold.

Names and Locations Have Been Changed in Order to Protect the Innocent (said in my best "Law and Order" voice)

Those who know me, know that I'm pretty laid back as a general rule. The exception would be the safety of my kids. I'm paranoid. I worry too much, contemplate the "what ifs" too often, and just generally cause myself lots and lots of unnecessary stress. So I've been thinking. If I'm going to do this whole blog thing, I need to do it in a way that allows me to sleep at night! If I think that some freak in his boxer shorts is sitting in his 5th wheel trailer mapping out directions to my house - well, that'll just suck the fun out of it. So here's what I'm going to do. I'm not going to use any specific locations, not going to use our last name, and I'm not going to use my childrens real names either. So friends, family - please keep this in mind should you decide to comment. Next comes the fun part! Re-naming my children. Stay tuned.

At the urging of friends.....

I've sat here and typed gazillions of words over the years, and yet as I sit here and type *this*, I feel like I've got the world looking over my shoulder! Sort of exciting I suppose. I'm mostly starting this blog as a way to vent and/or document the events of a given day. As a scrapbooker, I have all the "important" stuff documented in tidy little albums. Christmas - done. First day of school - taken care of. But some of my favorite moments, are the moments that aren't necessarily worthy of their own page. So in comes the blog. We'll see how it goes! Oh, and as for the picture? Meet the "Prince's".