Here's the thing. I'm exhausted. And just.....disgusted with their behavior. The older two that is. Well, who are we kidding - mostly the middle child. The oldest will still listen to me for the most part, and if nothing else he knows the fine art of "If I kiss up to Mommy and do what I'm told, she'll be nice to me and I'll be in the clear. I think I'm going to separate myself from my brother so that I have a snow cone's chance in hell of getting a cookie out of the bakery bin when we go to the grocery store later."
However....the older one.....formerly known as the "good one".....has taken to being a real smart ass when he doesn't get his way. And not in a clever, funny way that I would have full appreciation for.
STEP IT UP PRIVATE CHRISTIAN SCHOOL - STEP IT UP. I'm paying you make my children nice. Do your job.
The baby is wonderful.....sweet......adorable......the sun and the moon and the stars. I'm going to enjoy these traits in him now....while he doesn't speak. Or call me names. Or tell me to shut up.
What has happened is, the older two have basically taken over the house. Yes - A hostile take-over. We tell them to do something....or not do something.....they don't do it.......or they do exactly what it is we have told them not to do. We tell them over and over and over and over. They don't listen. They are in their own little weird brother world. They have taken to speaking this weird language with each other. It's super creepy and kind of funny all at the same time. Anyway.....it's exhausting. We threaten.....they don't care. We've even stepped it up a bit and have dabbled in some Super nanny stuff. Our problem is...well, we suck. We aren't good at this. We're good at GOOD KIDS. Bad, mouthy, bratty, nasty kids? Not so much.
I suppose there's a bit of laziness here on our part. Sure there is. But I haven't gotten more than 4 hours of sleep a night for the last 5 weeks, so basically - I don't give a crap what they do as long as it isn't where I can see it! Marshmallows for breakfast? Is that what you can reach and put into a bowl yourself? Knock yourself out. I don't care. Bringing your battery operated remote control car into the bathtub? Sure. I don't care. He kicked you? I'm not looking - do what you have to do, just don't leave a mark.
The thing is.....I do care. Very much. But between the exhaustion, the mild case of "baby blues", the overwhelming amount of projects that need to be done around this ENTIRELY TOO SMALL AND THEREFORE INCREASINGLY CLUTTERED house, the lack of help from Big Al because of his work schedule - I just feel stuck. And also a little trapped.
Anyway.....the boys. They bicker and fight and kick each other....and also play loudly and roughly and throw soccer balls in the living room and have races with their cars off of my coffee table.....and I'm just so tired of yelling. Really. I am SO. SICK. of yelling at them. It makes me feel like we're all on the Jerry Springer show: "WHITE TRASH FAMILIES HAVE IT OUT - TODAAAAAAAY ON THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW!!!!"
Every time the boys start fighting, I give serious consideration to locking them outside and letting them duke it out like men because I just don't want to deal with it!
Another frustrating aspect to all of this is that when I do threaten, give a warning, and then ultimately carry out some sort of punishment for the middle kid - the oldest one goes through the roof. He wants to rescue his brother from their horrible, mean, monstrous mother. It just gives me one.more.thing to handle.
I'm sure that this sudden change in their behavior has at least a little to do with the new baby. The oldest is jealous of all the attention the baby is getting, and the middle probably feels more than a little displaced. Lucky for me (and for the baby) both boys seem to really love him. Especially the middle one - he really, really loves the baby and is super sweet to him. Good....I guess that means his soul hasn't been completely overtaken by the devil. So I've got that going for me.
Haven't scrapped in months....feel pretty sure that I'll never find time again. And that makes me more sad than I can even explain. And really, there have been opportunities to scrap....but my mind is so cluttered with crap, I won't dare try to be creative. My pages are only as good as my outlook on life....so....yeah. Not going to attempt it right now.
Holidays are coming. If I run really fast, maybe I can escape them. I wish.
Usually I love this time of year. I'm the first one to get all of my darling Halloween stuff out and decorate the house.....start lighting pumpkin and apple scented candles....but this year.......I just have no urge. I don't think I'm even going to put the stuff out this year. I just don't care enough to go through it....get it down....put it out.
Something is definitely wrong with me.