Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Your snot, My snot, We're all full of snotty snot.

I know, that's gross. I couldn't resist. So, this is the snottiest house on the block by a landslide. Or a snotslide. Ha! Swollen glands give me the funnies. Ugh - I feel like I'm at death's door. I'm not getting better, I'm getting worse. Green. It's all very, very green. Like olive green. And not translucent. Opaque. I'll spare you any further details, but here's a little inside joke for my oldest and dearest friend Kell. Kell? TOTAL "IMF."

Hmmmm.....what to do, what to do. I should just keep them at home today because I feel terrible, and little boy isn't feeling so hot either. The thing is, staying home ALL DAY and not going anywhere is TORTURE. Perhaps I can pack them little lunch sacks, tie them onto sticks (hobo-style), and send them on their way. "Be back in time for dinner!" I'll say. No......I'm pretty sure I'd get into some sort of scuffle with the law if I were to do that.

So what are the choices? The park.....always a boring choice. "Boring" being my big boy's word for it. They only like the park if they can bring every recreational vehicle that they own. The 4-wheeler, their bikes, every dump truck in creation, you get the picture. Heaven forbid they just PLAY. I'm too achy, and stuffed up, and weak-feeling, to haul all their crap to the park. Normally I'd deal - but not today. How about the library for story time? We could try that......but once the green snot starts creeping out of the little boy's nose - or worse - he hacks up a particularly moist sounding cough - I'm going to start getting "the look" from all the other Mom's. You know the look. The one that says - "OH MY GOD THAT CHILD HAS THE PLAGUE KEEP HIM AWAY FROM MY PERFECT GERM-FREE CHILDREN!"

I could take them to Toys R Us.....I have a legitimate reason to go there....but big boy is in one of his really obnoxious retail phases, where he can't even walk down to the mailbox without expecting to find an assortment of toys waiting there just for him. The other thing, is that the little boy always goes straight to the bike section, picks one, and insists on riding it throughout the store - sailing carefree through the isles, like he's vacationing on Catalina Island. Inevitably this long haired, soft spoken yet ever present Toys R Us associate, makes it her mission (along with getting me to sign up for the birthday club) to get little boy off that bike. This woman LIVES at TRU. For the record, I loathe this woman. The feeling is mutual I think. Anyway, little boy throws a huge fit, refuses to stay off the bike, and I have to hustle his 45 lb. self through the store.....it just gets so ugly.

If we stay here, there's always play-dough, or arts 'n crafts of some kind. I love my children, but creative....they are not. A play-dough session means that I have to sit there while they both throw fistfuls of dough at me demanding that I make perfect "balls" of all sizes. A snowman is made....perhaps a caterpillar. I excuse myself to go to the bathroom, and come back to an all out play-dough throwing war zone.

I'm at a loss. And my ears are plugged, and my throat is on fire.

I realize that we shouldn't go anywhere out of respect for humanity. Humanity doesn't need our snot on every available surface.

Back to the trenches.........

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